Monday, November 24, 2008

Pissed, Scared, but mostly SO SO SAD. Why Jack?? On a serious note...

So, our world was just thrown upside one day which seems like minutes. Jack had been drinking TONS of fluids lately, and this worried me a little with my medical background. I joked with Criag about him having diabetes. He kept drinking and just begging for anything to drink, he was even caught drinking out of the dog bowl on two occasions. This worried me more. Why is this kid so obsessed with drinking?? I really didnt want to know, but hoping my fears would be put to rest, I asked around at work, "Did your kids ever go through a phase where they were totally consumed with getting something to drink??" No one had had this happen to them. So I took home a urine stick to check Jack's urine for glucose (which is NOT suppose to be in the urine). It was positive. Now I was scared, but hoping it could be something else. Of course we called the peditrician and they were closed; there was no physician on call, only a nurse. Now as you know, I am a nurse, and at this point, I did not want to talk to a nurse. Nothing was told to me that I didnt already know. So Today, which seems like an eternity ago, we just showed up at the peditricians office without an appointment saying, "We need to be seen." After hearing our concern, we were seen, Jack went to the lab, had blood drawn, we waited for the results and was a borderline fasting blood sugar. There is hope! However, since it was borderline, we were sent over to a specialists office, an endocrinologist, immediatly. We arrived there after stopping and grabbing a banana for us all since we still hadnt eaten. Jack had MORE blood tests done and since eating a small banana and a baby apple, Jacks suger level was WAY TOO HIGH. The new doctor, who I barley remember what he looked like physically walked us over to the hospital where we will be slumbering for the next 3 days. Our fears were confirmed; Jack officially has diabeties. Jack will officially for the REST OF HIS LIFE have diabetes. People have come in all throughout the day, more blood tests, an IV put in my poor baby's arm and now hes hooked up to IV fluids and getting poked 5 times a day, not including shots of insulin which he will be getting 4 times a day.

It was a beautiful sunny crisp fall day and we spent all day in doctors offices and now we are stuck in the hospital. Im pissed. Im scared for him, but most of all, Im just so so incredibly sad that this has happened. Why?? How?? Neither Craig or myself have diabetes in our families. My entire pregnancy with him I was so strick on diet, caffiene, artificial sweetners. His entire life Ive been a food natzi, stating he will have the rest of his life to eat cookies, candy, ice cream, cake and fried food. As Craig said, we should have fed him all the ice cream and cake in the world because it never mattered. Our baby boy is such a cute, innocent, happy boy. WHY THIS!!

Our day has wizzed by in a complete blur. We stared our day at 7:30 with the alarm and have not had a break until 10pm tonight. Poor Jack didnt have a nap today because of everyone needing to do tests, put in an IV, or come talk/educate us. He was also up 2.5 hrs past his bedtime b/c we were waiting for insulin to come up from the pharmacy.

I realize this is a very long winded blog. Our biggest fear is that he will be "labled" as a diabetic and that this will disrupt a "normal" childhood/adolecent-hood/college life style. Maybe not, but at this point, that is what we fear.

I even told Criag that I wish it was cancer of some kind because at least a lot of times that is curable with chemo/radiation. No I dont want that, but I also dont want this. Those mothers of children who have or have had cancer would probabally disagree with me about that statement, but as a mother who has not had that experience, I can say that out of naieveness (is that a word?)

So now we have to learn how to live life in a different light, and right now, Im just pissed about it. I dont want to do it, and I sure as hell dont want Jack to have to do it.

I could go on, but I think it would be the same thoughts just repeated in different words. Perhaps it already is.


Nikki B. said...

I'm soooo sorry, Jess. Email me. My nephew was diagnosed with diabetes at 9 months old. He's 9 now. It's okay. He can have ice cream and can have a normal life...unfortunately he will get used to the pricks and the sticks. He WILL BE OKAY!! No, it won't be easy...Yes, you will be scared out of your wits sometimes. He's still a little boy...he will run, and play and cry and laugh...and he will learn at a very young age to tell you when he thinks he's "high"...or "low". Don't worry, Jess. It was given to you...because you're a nurse and you can handle it!!! You can do it. I'll be thinking about you. Please email me or call and I'll be glad to share anything we know. We've all had to learn to take care of my nephew and have since he was young. I have taken care of him along with my 3 kids numerous's not a horrible thing! I know you're in shock...but, you can do it!

Darla said...

I'm sorry too Jess. I'll definitely be praying for you, Jack and Craig. If there is ANYTHING at all that I can do, please, please ask!

Gresham Family said...

Jessica - you can do this. This sucks and you guys did not do anything for this to happen. Poor little Jack - you all probably had a rough day at the hospital. But you will get through this and you are lucky to have friends and family that will love and support you. Let us know if there is anything you need - even someone to just complain to. Hang in there, you're still just reeling from the news.

Carrie said...

I've been worried all day about you based on your fb status. I finally remembered your blog. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. But I'm so glad you're a nurse and were able to recognize extreme thirst as a symptom. I think I just would have thought it was weird and HOPEFULLY would have asked someone about it. Again, so sorry but I know you'll all get through this. My bff in 5th grade was diabetic and the only "weird" thing I remember was that she got to have a snack mid-morning. We were all jealous actually. Other than that she was totally normal. Anyway--lots of love!!! -Carrie